Week 10 Theme 2

A short theme with no A's and no E's. Difficulty: that also means no articles of speech.

“Polish our floor.” Bob didn’t know why. Truly, Bob didn’t know how. But mom told Bob to do his work, so Bob took his tools, found his floor, and dug in. Two hours in, Bob put his mop down. If only mom could know how much work polishing wood floors took. If only Bob could look busy with his schoolwork, mom would stop with this stupid floor stuff. It didn’t look dusty. It didn’t look dull. It didn’t look sooty. It truly didn’t look worth mom’s worry, nor Bob’s monotonous hours, so why? Obviously, for odd jobs to do in Bob’s now copious time. Bob would go on his trip soon. Soon. But not now, so Bob took his polishing tool and did his work.

Week 10 Theme 1

Free theme on a starting sentence.

I hadn’t expected this. Three hours ago, an unconscious rabbit shows up at my back door. I took it inside, not realizing that the rabbit was unconscious because it had taken a fall from the twenty foot cedar tree in my yard. Do rabbits climb trees? Apparently they do when they’re being chased by bears. As it turns out, this rabbit was being chased by a bear, because I found the bear in the kitchen after a short trip to the bathroom.

How does one deal with an ursine dinner guest eating your other guest? Clearly not the way I did, or I wouldn’t be here now. Leaving quickly and hoping the bear would stay on its food, I fetched my shotgun from the closet in the bedroom.

Of course, bears tend to be more tickled than actually stopped by shotguns. I’m sure my neighbors appreciated the show, me fishtailing my car down a residential street trying to shake off a bear hanging tooth and nail off the trunk. Naturally, the bear returned to his rabbit meal afterwards, and this time he didn’t hesitate to chase my fishtailing car down the street again, again hanging off the rear end for dear life.

Perhaps the second incident was enough dissuasion – it didn’t return after that. Finally, I got some peace. But I hadn’t expected this. I made the news, and now PETA’s protesting on my lawn. I liked the bear more.

Week 9 Theme 5

A free theme on a confusion between the literal and the figurative.

In a suburban house. The window is broken, and Ben and Tim are inside.

“Well, I’m bugged.”

“What do you mean you’re bugged? Nobody hates you that much.”

“No? Then why do they keep bugging me?”

“Bugging you? Who’s bugging you? Look, there’s no way we can randomly pick a suburban house and the government just happened to put in cameras.”

“Not the government. The security company.”

“Then how come we didn’t set off any alarms?”

“Because this thing is bugged.”

“So they just want to hear robbers breaking in?”

“What?”

“You just said that panel is bugged.”

“Oh, no, not bugged like a microphone.”

“So it’s not working?”

“Well, yes and no.”

“What do you mean yes and no? Bugs don’t go halfway. They’re either there or they’re not.”

“Well, they’re certainly here.”

“Okay, so that’s a yes.”

“But it’s working every now and then. Like I said, yes and no.”

“How is that possible? Are the hidden cameras breaking the controller?”

“No, not the hidden cameras. You know what? Why don’t you just come here and see for yourself.”

“No, I’m busy fixing the window. Just tell me what’s in the panel.”

“Bugs.”

“But you said the panel was mostly working.”

“Wait, what?”

“You said the panel has a bug?”

“More like an ant colony.”

“Bugger off.”

Week 9 Theme 4

A brief list of proverbs.

A cat with nothing to see is blind.

Wait too long for the perfect fish, and you’ll miss the good ones.

Every garden has weeds.

Arguing is finding two ways to say the same thing.

Never run a marathon in new shoes.

Stop the music. Hear yourself.

You are what you eat. You don’t want to know what you eat.

Snowballs melt slower than snow.

Gravel doesn’t skip.

Week 9 Theme 3

An “orientational” metaphor.

When life turns upside down, we realize that we are alive. To live right-side up is to be normal. Normal is routine. Routine is fragile. Routine breaks. Life inverts. We see mortality. We deny it. We are alive.

Today, life is right-side up. The car is right-side up. Its passengers are right-side up. The driver will miss the traffic light above. A car will careen into the side. Time will slow down. Safety glass will rain, and the three upside-down people inside will watch their car skid. They will release their seatbelts, drop to the ceiling and crawl out the window. They will be alive.

Today, life is right-side up. The kayaker is right-side up. He will be right-side up when he pushes off the dock, and he will be right-side up when he takes his first exploratory strokes. He will overextend his arm, and the kayak will flip its passenger and his life into the water. Upside down, the passenger will stare up his drowning death and deny it the luxury of fear. He will pause – death has waited so long that it can wait more. He will orient himself, climb down, deeper, out of his seat, and dive to the surface. Floating there next to his upside down kayak, he will breathe life.

Week 9 Theme 2 (or lack thereof)

I'm having some trouble finding inspiration tonight, so I'm taking a break on tonight's theme. Hopefully better luck tomorrow.

Andrew

Week 9 Theme 1

Highlight a metaphor or some other type of figure you find there.

Las Meninas. Housed in the Museo Prado, this painting is Spain’s Mona Lisa, a painting centered on the young Infanta Margarita, but supposedly actually Velazquez’s self-portrait, a commentary on his role in the royal court. But what captivates the mind on this particular day is a thought that art critics all too often disregard: this painting is ordinary.

Ordinary not because Las Meninas lacks merit, but ordinary in the same way as the daily theme that would eventually describe it. Velazquez was a professional artist, working under the patronage of the Spanish royal family, and he produced paintings like today’s writer produces essays. It’s what he does. The ideas and symbols and themes fall together in an uncertain pile that sorts itself out as the work materializes, with the certainty that its reception will probably be decent, but with the faint hope that it is considered amazing, and with no knowledge of the meaning future generations might extract from just another paid work.

Sure, Las Meninas contains some symbols and implied meaning. And yes, it’s fun to speculate on Velazquez’s intentions, but can visitors see him carrying his pen and backpack to the royal studio every day? Naturally, exactly one visitor did, and for the rest of the day, the mind clung to a faint hope that Las Meninas was just another day’s work, like a daily theme.